Steven Schuetz, MS, LMHC

The Changing Face of Family

seattlecounselor — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 15:33:27 +0000

According to a study by the Pew Research Center entitled “The Decline of Marriage and Rise of New Families” our ideas about what constitutes “family” in the USA appear to be changing. These changes have been occurring over the past half century and have resulted in a major transformation of what exactly constitutes “marriage” and the “family.” The most significant among these changes is the difference in the number of couples that choose to get married. In 1960, over two-thirds (68%) of all twenty-somethings were married, compared with only 26% today. When asked “Is marriage becoming obsolete?”—nearly four in ten individuals (39%) said yes.

Perhaps, not surprisingly, the survey found that the young are much more inclined than their elders to view cohabitation without marriage and other historically marginalized family forms — such as same-sex marriage and interracial marriage — in a positive light. It appears that family — in all its emerging varieties — remains resilient. The survey found that while we have an increasingly expansive definition of what constitutes a family, the vast majority of adults still consider their own family to be the most important, most satisfying element of their lives.
Interestingly, there appears to be a socioeconomic tie to marriage indicating that the higher one’s educational attainment and income, the greater the likelihood that she or he will marry.

March is National Women’s History Month

seattlecounselor — Wed, 30 Mar 2011 17:39:06 +0000

National Women’s History Month dates back to March 8, 1857, when women from New York City factories staged a protest over working conditions. International Women’s Day was first observed in 1909, but it wasn’t until 1981 that Congress established National Women’s History Week to be commemorated the second week of March. In 1987, Congress expanded the week to a month. Every year since, Congress has passed a resolution for Women’s History Month, and the President has issued a proclamation. Here are some facts that were recently published by the US Census Bureau:

There are 157.2 million women in the USA (and 153.2 million men)
82.8 million women are mothers
$36,278 = average wage of women in the USA (in 2009)
20.7% = women in the USA who earn more than their husbands
88% = ratio of women-to-men’s earnings
55% = ratio of women enrolled in college (in 2008)
14% = ratio of USA armed forces made up of women

Exercise for Mental Hygiene

seattlecounselor — Tue, 11 Jan 2011 19:18:42 +0000

Over the years I have noticed a correlation between my most anxious and depressed clients and their levels of exercise. In general, it seems that the more depressed or anxious a client is, the less exercise they get. While it’s likely that depression and anxiety interfere with the desire to exercise, it’s also often one of the most effective ways to ameliorate these intense feeling states.

Even a moderate amount of casual walking (e.g. a mile a day) can have a positive effect on the amount of “feel good” hormones like seretonin, endorphine, and adrenaline that are available to our brains. In addition to relatively immediate benefits to our mood, we know that there are multiple other benefits to be gained from regular exercise.

The idea of a mind/body connection isn’t new to most of us. Still, we frequently find excuses to skip our regular (or not so regular) workout routine. Life happens, and we find ourselves side-tracked by work, friends, kids, hobbies, and various random distractions.

We need to remember that exercise is crucial to both our physical and mental health. One of my favorite questions for my clients is whether or not they have showered, brushed their teeth, and applied deodorant that day. I tend to get ever so slightly uncomfortable–and occasionally indignant–responses in the affirmative. These activities help us to be physically healthy. I believe that regular exercise is as important for mental health as these other activities are for physical and social health — yet we routinely neglect exercise more often, simply because the detrimental effects aren’t always as immediate as bad breath or body odor. I wonder what we would think if we could directly track our lack of exercise on our feelings, moods, interactions with others, and even our relationships?

Recognizing My Own Voice

seattlecounselor — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 18:40:14 +0000

One of the key elements of wellness is developing self-awareness. Many of us are prone to anxiety and the hidden traps that sometimes accompany anxiety. One of these traps is perseveration. Sometimes individuals who struggle with anxiety repeat or focus on the same thought or worry over and over again.

One of my favorite ways to challenge “internalized perseveration” is to ask my clients to journal. The art of journaling provides the individual with a tangible way to capture a troubling “rogue” thought that keeps running around in your brain (bumping into other more useful thoughts and generally making a nuisance of themselves). I often utilize imagery from the Harry Potter movies with my clients. I compare the process of journaling to that of wizard Dumbledore taking his magical wand and pulling a memory out of his head and depositing the memory in the “pensieve” where it can be kept, relived, and reviewed at the memory holder’s convenience.

New to journaling? Try these exercises as a way to start your journal. Are you a pro at journaling? Why not think about adding a new element to your journaling such as creating a journaling scrapbook, photos or even starting a blog so that you can share your thoughts with others.

Say Something Nice. . .

seattlecounselor — Sun, 17 Oct 2010 20:43:06 +0000

It turns out gossiping might actually good for you–at least if you are saying positive things about someone. A recent study conducted by Dr. Jennifer Cole and Hannah Scrivener found that higher levels of gossiping are associated with greater feelings of social support. It appears that when we talk about other people–and particularly when we are praising them–we might be experiencing some social benefits even though gossiping per se may be socially discouraged. So gossip away. . .just be sure that you are being positive.

Teen Sex and Grades

seattlecounselor — Mon, 04 Oct 2010 20:29:32 +0000

A new study challenges the notion that sexually active teens tend to perform more poorly in school. While teens that “hook up” and engage in casual flings show poorer academic performance than teens who are abstinent. On average female teens who had casual sex had GPAs that were 0.16 lower than abstinent teens. The GPA of male teens who had casual sex averaged .30 lower than their abstinent counterparts. It was also found that teens who hook up tend to be at greater risk of being suspended or expelled from school as well as lower odds of expecting to go to college. Conversely teens who had sex in serious relationships did not differ from their abstinent counterparts in their grade point average, attachment to school, disciplinary actions, or college expectations. In fact, teens who are engaged in serious relationships, like adults, may find important social and emotional support in their sex as well as reaping the physical benefits of sex, mainly a reduction of anxiety and stress levels. Some scientists believe that this study has important ramifications for how sex education programs are conducted.

Love is Blind: but only because we choose it to be

seattlecounselor — Tue, 28 Sep 2010 19:06:44 +0000

While at least ten years old, one of my all-time favorite social psychology studies¹ involved some Canadian researchers interviewing university students, their roommates, and parents who were asked to forecast the quality and longevity of the students’ dating relationships. Several times throughout the study students were asked to assess the quality of their relationships (e.g. communication, trust, commitment) as well as how long they thought their relationship would actually last (e.g. two months, six months, one year, five years, etc.).

After six months of college life only 61 percent of the students were still in relationships. A year later the number dropped to only 48 percent. Unsurprisingly it appeared that the students, giddy with hormones and the excitement of a new relationship, had assessed their relationships far more positively than their roommates who had assessed the relationships only slightly more positively than the student’s parents. Essentially most students were wrong (and their roommates and parents were right) about the length of time they would be in the relationship.

What is surprising and rather interesting is the fact that the students appeared to be incredibly accurate (and far more accurate than their roommates or parents) in their predictions about the quality of their relationships. It appears that the students knew exactly what the problems and assets of the relationships were all along. Essentially they possessed information that, if utilized objectively, would have allowed them to make more accurate forecasts. However most students actively chose to ignore this information.

I see this type of bias a lot in my practice. Often people have the information they need to make a decision about their relationship. However that information doesn’t always fit well with the way we desperately want our reality to work. Often we already have the information we need to assess whether a relationship is going to work or not–we just choose to ignore it.

Sometimes our work is simply a matter of deciding to make a difficult decision. This might mean that finally have to recognize that our own actions are causing problems in an otherwise healthy relationship. Choosing to stay and successfully engage in this type of relationship may mean that we have to come to terms with our own shortcomings and start the difficult work of “fixing” ourselves.

At other times it seems that we already know that a relationship is not going to work–and despite our deepest desires it probably won’t work. In situations like this our work is going involve grieving the loss of what isn’t, wasn’t, and what will never be as we somehow try to figure out how to start to say goodbye.

Regardless of where we’re at I think that this study serves as a great reminder for all of us to take a second look at our biases and how we utilize them.

¹MacDonald, T K, & Ross, M. (Nov 1999). Assessing the Accuracy of Predictions About Dating Relationships: How and Why Do Lovers’ Predictions Differ From Those Made by Observers?. Personality Social Psychology Bulletin, 25, 11. p.1417.

Bullies and Teasing

seattlecounselor — Sun, 26 Sep 2010 08:58:26 +0000

Unfortunately, shy and anxious children are often magnets for bullies. Often the problem is that these children are either unable or do not know how to verbally “fight back” the way that socially skilled children do. Instead they hope for others (usually adults) to prevent bullying. Unfortunately, too often, an adult is not available or is unable to negotiate the conflict. Parents and counselors can teach children how to protect themselves for the times that the teacher’s back is turned by having them practice handling likely bullying situations (such as being told that they are babyish, stupid, ugly or fat). Teaching children to respond assertively to bullying provides them with a valuable self-esteem tool that they will be able to utilize for a lifetime. A therapist can often be invaluable in helping children to learn invaluable (and lifelong) assertiveness skills.

Back to School Jitters

seattlecounselor — Sun, 05 Sep 2010 08:56:40 +0000

For most children returning to school is an exciting time filled with anticipation. Unfortunately this is not the case for children who suffer from social anxiety disorder. For these children going back to school may mean worrying about whether or not friends will pick you for their team or to ridicule and pick on you. Parenting an anxious child can also bring about a challenge as parents will have to face the task of helping their child develop healthy friendships as well as manage the inevitable pain of occasionally being “picked on” by peers. While school based anxiety differs among age groups it generally affects about 3 to 5% of all school-age children and usually has to do with separation anxiety, fear of a teacher or peer, anxieties of school performance or being picked on in the classroom or playground. Some small amount of anxiety regarding school is normal however if the amount of anxiety seems overwhelming to both children and parents it may be time to enlist the help of a therapist. Common school fears include:

Being separated from caregivers
Riding on the bus
Eating in the cafeteria
Using the school bathroom
Being called on in class
Fear of being excluded at recess
Interacting with other children or the teachers.

Encouraging children to use WORDS to describe their fears and concerns can be helpful in assisting caregivers to more clearly understand a child’s concerns and needs.

New Recurring Session Feature

seattlecounselor — Fri, 03 Sep 2010 18:48:49 +0000

I’m excited to announce that–after several requests by my clients–I have now added a recurring appointment feature to my scheduler module. Scheduling recurring appointments is fairly easy.

After to have logged into the scheduler and click on bar that says “Make an appointment for Seattlecounselor” you will see the follow screen. Click on the “weekly” tab (the one with the green arrow pointing to it):

After you select the “weekly” tab the window below will appear. From here you can select the first date that you would like your session to occur, the frequency of your sessions (weekly, every 2 weeks, etc.) and your preferred appointment time:

Finally the screen below will appear offering all available appointments in the time frame that you requested. You can then book the available options individually or select and book all available options at once:

I am hoping that this new service will make it much easier for you to reschedule consistent appointment times. If you need any assistance with the recurring session feature please do not hesitate to contact me for assistance.